Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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