Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
