I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
