God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
