Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
