First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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