we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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