im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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