i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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