If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
