haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MIDGETS
????
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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