i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
