thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
