Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
