Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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