Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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