Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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