i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
