i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
did i just pee glitter
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
