very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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