Michael Bay diarrhea
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
