Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
