My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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