You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
