so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
