no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
