I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
