i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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