you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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