girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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