Do you still have your period?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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