i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
