I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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