im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
