You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
