First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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