Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
