It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
