My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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