grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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