i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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