you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
