Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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