I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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