So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
