not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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