I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
