Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My dick has a subreddit
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
