Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
