i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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