no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
